Just fell off a train. Bad.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
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we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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