Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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