I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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