They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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