omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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