But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
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She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
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I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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