I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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