i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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