Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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