Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
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