your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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