Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Acid is not a monday night drug
The best revenge is premature balding
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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