I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
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Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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