My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
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Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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