Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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