My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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