I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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