I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize