I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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