someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize