i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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