dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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