i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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