feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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