I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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