Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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