i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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