omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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