Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize