She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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