My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
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Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
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We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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