Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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