a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
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i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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