just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
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the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
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I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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