i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
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Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
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I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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