Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
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there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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