1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
only you would photoshop your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
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