I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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