there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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