What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize