You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I think I sprained my soul last night
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He shit in the fireplace
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
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