you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize