Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize