I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
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I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
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So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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