There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
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He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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