please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
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He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
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So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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