tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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