he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
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Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
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