Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize