Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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